Monday, 8 May 2017

A Traditional Family Wedding

Hi Everyone!



I just came back from my cousin’s wedding in the Free State! Gosh, I was soooo tired that I just climbed in bed when I got back and even had to take a day off in the week. I was, however, quickly restored because I’ve been on such a ‘happy high’ because I had a fantastic time catching up with my extended family!

So my cousin had a traditional wedding with a twist I guess (it’s becoming a trend in my family now) and all my family members looked absolutely amazing! The bride wanted the wedding to have a blue ‘shweshwe’ theme which really came together on the wedding day. My mom and I also like to edge it up and give it that modern lady look and I actually love how it turned out.

So we left Wednesday night because we were travelling by bus. I was actually super tired because I had a full work day and a bit of overtime that day and had to catch the bus at 11:30pm. We were stuck at Park Station for a while and it was ridiculously cold. I had one handbag and a camera bag with a little blanket (because I was wearing leggings) so that I could use it on my legs if it got cold and had to give it to my mom because she was wearing a denim jacket. I’ll repeat: A DENIM JACKET.

Fast forward to a thousand years later, we finally arrived and literally every member of my family rocked up and I was so happy to see them. I even got to meet a few relatives that I haven’t seen in a while. So my favourite part of the wedding was definitely decorating the venue with the bride and taking all the behind the scenes photos because it helped me to interact with people and capture the best moments.

Mom and I had our outfits made at home so it was relatively affordable and I definitely loved how it came together with the head wrap. The shoes ended up looking bomb with this dress but it was truly not planned because those are the only black shoes I own (other platforms would have been too slippery) that my feet were going to be able to manage to walk in a mountainous structure.







 What do you guys think of the wedding outfits?



xx

Sunday, 23 April 2017

Flirty Florals

Hi everyone!!



Today has been the best day. I finally got time to edit and publish these photos!! I took them a long time ago and I’ve been drowning in work and assignments ever since! I’ve currently been assigned another client and completed most of my assignments so I’m feeling so relieved.

So the story behind the dress. This dress belongs to my sister. She left it by mistake when she moved out and because my work schedule got so hectic I never got time to do my laundry and one day I had no choice but to wear it. OMW. It fit like a glove. I normally like darker florals but this dress really gave me an upbeat attitude on a Monday and I’ve been having the worst term of my life!!

I’ve always worn bodycon dresses or pants with shirts at work because I’ve always been scared that a really windy day would have dreadful consequences for my booty so I’ve never considered shopping for similar dresses. But the material used for this dress gives you that comfort that it would not easily be blown away so definitely more of these in the near future!!




And now for a little update. I definitely want to do a lot more styling posts. I really miss that. And I also want to get back to my channel! Time is so limited and I have so much that I still want to achieve this year. I’m also going through so many changes. And also rebuilding my mindset. I allowed myself to be this negative and depressed person and being stuck in that has really limited my creativity. I’ll also be exploring our town a bit more. I’ve been so stuck indoors for a little more than six months now and I’m really missing out so I’ll be documenting that. (Should I try vlogging it instead?)

Stay tuned!

See you next time!


Tuesday, 11 April 2017

How to ease up your guilty conscious

Hi everyone!


I have a little bit of a writer’s block because I have an insane amount of stress (& heartburn) at the moment which is really good for lifestyle posts because then I have an urgent need to talk about it. I have no idea how I’m going to spend my time this weekend because I also have to go home (3 hours away) because I’ve been summoned to take measurements for my cousin’s upcoming wedding at the end of April. Solution would be to send the measurements right? Try telling my mom that.

So with all the political madness going on it has become even more important to build your own world because you can’t let the national negativity get you down. Neither should you allow  the international depression (Trump is still there. What is happening in Syria?)to trump your spirits. It’s very hard for us (let’s say educated black people) to move back home to minimize fixed costs and to try different jobs seeing that there’s already such a huge unemployment rate in our city and overall country. So sometimes you are stuck in your job.

This year I was supposed to add an academic element in my last year of articles but in order to set myself free I did not register for it and I did not notify my boss. You can imagine what a huge violation that is. I did not resign because I can’t move back home and start over. Thank you, Black Tax. And it was difficult to even get a job I’m over-qualified for. I still don’t know how that’s possible. So I effectively decided to just finish the year and add my completed articles to my CV. Sometimes I want to put it there as ‘3 years of intense slavery’.

So for the first month or so I was riddled with guilt because I have long asked him to be transparent because he’s always late and tells you about a meeting with a client 10 minutes before and expects you to know everything about it by the time you reach their offices. Even after that has been addressed with him, it seemed like he sees lateness and non-transparency as a lux lifestyle so I’ve decided to accept it that about him. Guess where I got my training from? I guess Daddy trained me well.

So how can you stop feeling guilt over something you did but did it for the right reason?
1.       Ask yourself if you could have done it any other way
2.       Ask yourself if this option lets you sleep better at night
3.       Ask yourself if you’re willing to deal with the consequences
4.       Ask yourself if this decision, other than the guilt, makes you happy
5.       Ask yourself if it will bring out new change

Last year I was severely depressed. I used to take sick days multiple times of the year because I did not have the strength to get up to go to work. It’s when I first discovered that your job can actually make you sick. So how did I apply the above?

I could have told my boss but he would have convinced me to register, backed up by legislation requirements (aka legislation threats). He would have also made work hostile because I wanted to ‘retaliate’. So there was no other way. Since making a new path I’ve become more excited about my evenings and weekends because I get to learn something new. I could get fired or my salary could get affected (consequences). Other than the temporary guilt I have been feeling much happier this year. It was hard at first but I’m definitely becoming more care free and happy. I’ve totally embraced the new change! It’s still a bit hard but it’s happy hard. Time management is still a bit of a problem and I’ve had to get used to writing again (for my assignments) so it’s a work in progress.

So you can see how the combination of addressing these questions was able to ease up a bit of the guilt. And it’s also a plus if the corresponding person makes it easy by being an uncontrollably inconsiderate person!

Put yourself first! Be brave!!


xx

Friday, 7 April 2017

How emotional turmoil can be physically evident

Hi everyone!



Something weird is happening. Yesterday I was in the middle of a sale of one of my assets and I was just overcame with insane anxiety. I had to submit an assignment last night and it’s still not complete now. I was just stunned. So normally I would just cry a bit because it releases some emotional pressure bit instead I called like 5 people and cleaned my place. I haven’t been able to clean it for almost 2 weeks and this morning it was as if it’s occupied by …well, a clean person! LOL!

So what does this mean?

Well 2 things have come to pass. My tearsgates are sealed TIGHT. Not one tear was available for me which made it extra frustrating! It’s like having a solution that temporarily works but now you can’t use it. Then I watched some Youtube videos and that was shortlived because I don’t know how the settings are right now but it’s so hard to discover new people so I got bored and shut it down. Then it was time to scrub the evidence so I bagged the garbage to get it ready for pick up the next morning, cleaned the kitchen and packed my bedroom into place. Clean environment = Clean Mind? Not exactly but it was a start because I felt a little lighter. It was already 2am so I did not force myself to finish up my assignment because being tired at work has had awful consequences for me in the past!

I think I’m familiar with what’s happening because my mom suffers from the exact same thing. Every time she’s faced with an emotional issue and tries to internalize it, it always comes out on her body. 
One time she had an operation done to cut out an unexpected, and yet to be explained, growth in her shoulder when my brother became an overnight rebel and alcoholic. She also keep being sick when she got a new principal that tried to destroy an orphanage that she spent 10 years building. That time she had to wear an eye patch after her eye got damaged when she kept getting a series of serious tension headaches. And the list goes on.

People think that having anxiety is an easy thing to ‘adopt’ just because a lot of people suffer from it now. However, some people have it but are not aware and then it makes itself apparent in different ways. One thing I can draw from my own experience is to find a step by step guide on how to go through the motions so that it can leave your body quicker or so that you can rebuild faster. Sometimes a whole week can pass you by without you knowing what happened and soon enough you won’t even remember what triggered it because you’ll be neck deep in a depression pit.

In the space of reaching my home at 5pm I went through insane worry. Will I be able to sell my asset? Do I want to sell it? Will I ever get out of financial trouble? Made some coffee thinking it will keep me calm. Met up with buyers. Buyers left with a lower offer than one I had in mind. Should I take a walk? It’s too dark now. Call friend. He tried to make me feel better but I can’t tell him about the sale because I did not tell him about acquisition. Call friend I haven’t spoken to properly since she gave birth. Network is awful. Friend calls me, love life trouble that I had I had to put brakes to because I don’t understand why my heartbeat is so fast. Am I upset about the sale. Mom calls, asks me when I’m coming home. Should I drive to the store? No. Should I take a nap? No, its only 9. Let’s watch Life in Pieces. Heartbeat the same but now feels coupled with heartburn. Open the windows and the fan. Prepare a soothing bath. Wash dishes and clean room first. Take a soothing bath. Try to sleep. Can’t sleep. Watch Life in Pieces again so that you can sleep.



 5am alarm goes off.

Work.

That is just one Tuesday night.

Concerning?

Definitely.

Do I still have the same worries this morning? Yes but it’s time to focus on work because I still need to function like an unaffected human being.

What will I do?

Finalize sale so that it doesn’t hibernate. The longer I struggle to end the chapter the more I’ll worry about being financially afloat. People think that you can ‘snap out’ of it by having a mindset change. I used to be one of those people. Until it’s you or someone you know. Yes, effective decisions definitely helps in order to get the ball rolling because the danger is not make a decision at all and to be crippled by the unknown.


Be brave! Find a way!!

Xx
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