Wednesday, 30 August 2017

Monday, 28 August 2017

How to Keep Going!!

Hi everyone!



When the year started I had some specific goals. I create them based on being optimistic. Based on the state of mind that the sheet is clean and I can use my imagination to its fullest extent. I normally don’t spend New Year’s with my family because I spend that time reflecting on the year, thinking about what I could have done differently, all the blessings gained and lessons learned. I also think a lot about where I didn’t value myself like I should have and then based on that decide what I need to cut out of my life.

This year everything started out really bad but I was determined to make it work despite the steep way up I was facing just to get to an equilibrium. This year I really wanted to focus on my blog and channel and also spend more time with my friends before all the wedding and baby season starts. I managed to keep up with some friends but not the ones living far away and my blog and channel have been on a standstill.

Somewhere around February my phone just stopped working which made my Instagram feed die and we all know it’s pointless to keep the blog up without being able to share it on social media. I only got a new phone last week and now I have no material and it’s winter here which means that the only daylight I get is on Saturday where I normally sleep in and let the sunrise wake me.

If I could tell you all the other things, you would really think that I’m caught in a ring with 6 punchy Mike Tysons beating me up when all I tried to do was get an autograph. I’m only not telling you because I don’t want to give it power. That’s actually what motivated me to write about it. I’ve become so bottled up and distracted by other people that I haven’t been focused on my needs and where I was lacking. Distractions are good but not to the point where you wake up Monday and go to sleep on a Saturday night. That’s what happened to me in April and May. I barely remember it.

It’s hard to be in state of survival but it can make you stronger and help you to differentiate between significant and insignificant.  I care about everything. I’m like a mental hoarder so you can imagine how hard this process has been for me, but there’s nothing like extreme cases of incidents that have happened that has really helped me to put things more into perspective.

Today, I’m sharing 5 key things that helped and can help you:

A small prayer. During this time it’s very easy to be convinced that God is not on your side. Especially when a bad thing happens ON TOP of SEVERAL bad things that were already too hard for you to deal with. I’m always comforted when I say: Lord, I know that You are working behind the scenes for my good/favour. Or that the path before me has already been paved and blessed.
Roll out of bed. During this time it was hard for me to be a morning person. So every day I would roll out and be awake only after I’ve bathed. Atleast through this, I will go to work rather than call in sick which I used to do quite a lot last year.
Focus on your immediate deadline. This will help your mind create a narrow vision and help you forget all the things you can’t control. The only con is that you will not be able to focus on your passions because your mind is only on work.
Take walks with anyone. Staying indoors made the room feel smaller. So whenever someone would visit I’d make them take walks with me so that I can let the tension escape in the air.
Drink wine. I’m the last person to suggest this but during this time I had a hard time sleeping. When I was in school I used to have sleeping tablets but I did not want to use those anymore so on Fridays I would have some popcorn and wine and have a really good night’s rest. During the week I would just pass out because of the late hours and ridiculous amount of work so it really helped on those early nights!

Everybody has different challenges but one thing we have in common is 24 hours and limited resources that we have to use wisely in order for us to make it!


You can make it!

xx

Wednesday, 16 August 2017

Passing Feelings

Hi everyone!


The past two days have definitely been trying times days.  I’m mentally, physically and spiritually exhausted. I try to put myself back together in some hours but it’s short-lived because I’m carrying so much and limited in so many areas.  It really takes a lot for me to try and not notice what’s going on but it kills me to do that as I’ve always thought of myself as a person that really lives and not just exists.

So on what happened. Yesterday two of my new colleagues told me that I speak in a disrespectful manner to the Director. Naturally, I tried to explain to them that I’ve been talking that casual to him ever since I started there and he’s never told me that I was out of line (well, except one time when I was upset that the client we were assisting were awful to us and he basically said that I needed to take that back and just eat it up). Their way of speaking to him is basically to avoid all humor and nod and smile. I don’t do that with anyone. I would not even know how to do that!

So I called my friend and because she knows me she understood where I was coming from and basically told me not to change to fit into someone’s definition of being respectful. My mom said the same thing. Mom also asked me to ask them to demonstrate what that 'respectful behavior' would look like. Lol! I also spoke to this other friend who was going through a hard time trying to find another job. Ended up spending the entire night motivating her to keep trying, so by the time I slept I felt better about what happened.

Then literally the next day I’m faced with other office drama that basically crippled my day after my lunch order wasn’t processed, after I spent a whole hour waiting for it. It even got to a point where I felt like I needed to resign. I have no idea why I’m so emotionally sensitive and it just feels like hard work to make each day work. The past weekend could also be playing a role as I tried to do a lot of things over two days and I could just be exhausted.

Point is that I’m writing this post after realizing how emotionally drained we can become of something that momentarily affects you. I never thought I could get over a bad mark in high school or an embarrassing event at university and right now it feels like what happened today will affect the rest of my life. But in a few months (or even tomorrow) it will be nothing more than something that happened that has nothing to do with me as a person.

I used to get severe heartburn when something like this would happen. I wouldn’t be able to function on anything else and I would spend hours replaying it. It’s currently happening now and I want more than anything to be in control of my mind and just make it stop. And sometimes it takes you saying: ‘I will not let this consume me’ and actually going as far as doing something productive in the time you would have wasted going around in circles about it.

I actually (and finally) downloaded my study material in order to get started with my assignments due on Monday and when that went slowly I decided to write this post and I’m going to try and study again after completing it. Not because I’m strong or persistent, but because I need to keep growing and keep evolving and I need to keep in mind that life is long. What would I look like if I became consumed with other people’s view of me all the time or how they feel about me.  If you live the best life possible, without having to step on someone else to achieve that, there’s nothing stopping you from being you!

Never waste time!


Love you!

Thursday, 3 August 2017

Down but Not Out

Hi everyone!




I’ve been in such a spiral since January started. 2017 truly feels like an uphill battle where all the victories are short-lived. It really feels like no matter what I do, the paw-paw keeps hitting the fan and at this point it’s kind of pointless to clean up the mess. Currently I’m on leave for about 8 days that I desperately needed and I’ve spent about 5 of those days just going through the motions and properly addressing my feelings.

I think I’m ready to go back to work. I actually went awol because our firm is just so unfair in terms of how they treat us and there’s basically nothing you can do about it. So when I feel overwhelmed I just disappear and go offline until I feel better.

I’ve been looking at how I’ve just completely gone off the radar on my blog and channel. Youtube, especially because I’ve been trying to get a better lens since last year and I haven’t been in a good space to buy it. I’ve also been having extremes – emotionally. Which affected my writing and filming because I just felt bad about myself and my life in general. On some days when the sun would shine again, I would just soak that in by taking a walk or going out with a friend I’ve neglected.

If you know me, you’d know that I don’t believe in mood swings. Mostly because I wasn’t allowed to have any. When I started puberty my mom basically told me that I wasn’t allowed to be sour just because I was going through a natural thing. My mom is pretty controlling so if you know her, this would sound perfectly normal, LOL! So during this time of intense stress it was just better for me to retreat rather than be unhappy in public.

I’ve been thinking about how to make my blog mainstream and ‘commerciable’. I like talking about different things and I did not want to make it one thing so I made my channel more lifestyle with my name on it but I realized during this time that I like being under an alias or a brand that will represent me so changing all the banners is truly daunting but needs to be done in order to ‘continue from here’. I no longer want to go under ‘ClosetFreedom’ because it’s one of those things where looking back was good, but now you’re like ‘what were you thinking?’!

I want something that can represent my soul and my beliefs. Currently I truly feel kind of damaged and under intense strain so that is affecting this process. I also want to factor in my love for communication and helping people to be more understanding and open. It’s probably the only thing I loved doing this year. I got my results from the first semester yesterday and it went well with 2 out of the 3 subjects, which made me realize that I need to work harder and learn to prioritize better.

I’m excited going into the second half of the year even though it’s already August but I truly can not live my life without hope. I have to believe that I’m being battered in order to be able to handle something worse than this, hopefully very far in the future because I could seriously use a break this year!

Can’t wait to share my thoughts and views with you guys for the rest of 2017!




Stay blessed!

XX

Monday, 12 June 2017

Hello June

Hi everyone!



It’s been a minute! As we speak I’m sitting in front of a heater trying to keep warm. Nelspruit has NEVER been this cold. Last year I got a fan heater and barely used it. This year has been pretty interesting. I haven’t even gotten used to say that I’m 25 because I barely got time to celebrate it but things are definitely looking up, finally!

I always feel like I have to careful about what I share online now but like I’ve said before – my channel and blog is all about being open because I tend to be closed off and I started my blog because I didn’t want to be that way anymore. You guys know that every year is hard for me and I’ve always sort of had a meltdown about it. This year, however, it has gone quite a bit weird.

I bought a car last year and having it was quite hard. I was super scared of driving so if I could walk rather than drive, I would walk. And I never went to work with it because it would force me to drive my colleagues around and the reimbursements for that were never guaranteed. And before long I was forced to sell it in order to get my financials back on track.

So in December I had to kick out my brother because he was never reliable and he always put his friends before his family. And when the time came for them to do the same they kicked out like day old turkey which was a good opportunity for a lesson learned for him. So then no matter how much I advertised I did not get someone to fill his room by January so the whole month’s rent was on me which was really devastating.

Then I tried to survive from that and got someone in February but finances still kicked my butt because my family lived with me for 5 months and in that time I maxed out my credit card. A definite bad call and also filed under Lesson Learned. So then I finally sold my car but had a 20k shortfall on it which was the best deal I could get at the time. That hard time also taught me a lot about cars. Now by this time I’d been trying to sell it since February. It finally happened in April and I had to survive the rest of the month with the installment of the car already subtracted from my account.

Then at the end of that month I had to go to my cousin’s wedding that I only found out about in March that I couldn’t miss. Fortunately my mom was able to secure some cash on credit so that she can save me on the car and that also allowed me to go to the wedding. Then I was able to pay her since then sort of half of what my car’s shortfall was worth seeing that my contract ends in January (So I can only afford to make payments till January). So that’s what I’ve been doing since end of April.

During this time I’ve had additional issues. I haven’t been going to church, both my phones stopped working and I’ve become a total pessimist. My channel has been on a standstill and I was just not able to talk about it because I was trying not to be a mess in order to function properly at work and to appear normal which is of great personal growth to me. I normally crack at the first sign of a problem. And only fix it months later. I also had assignments and exams during this time and had great marks but I haven’t had money to pay tuition in order to see if I’ve passed or not but that will also get solved in the time when it does.

My biggest lesson in all of this is definitely to calm the f down. I’m always like a champagne bottle when it’s opened. I always run over. But now I’ve had to be okay with things I can’t change. For example – I’ve always wanted to learn how to highlight and contour. But without the proper funds and ‘good debt’ I’ve had to put it on hold for a year now. I’ve learned how to do my own hair and be okay with not shopping for clothes. My bedroom has looked the same for the past 2 years and I’ve had to be okay with that too. If you know how much I like décor you’d know how much of a slow burn that is for me. So basically I’ve just had to be okay with basics. I haven’t done that since the first few months of varsity in 2010!!

IT’S OKAY.

That’s become my 2 most spoken words. They save my life every day.

They can do the same for you!

One day at a time,

Love

Monday, 8 May 2017

A Traditional Family Wedding

Hi Everyone!



I just came back from my cousin’s wedding in the Free State! Gosh, I was soooo tired that I just climbed in bed when I got back and even had to take a day off in the week. I was, however, quickly restored because I’ve been on such a ‘happy high’ because I had a fantastic time catching up with my extended family!

So my cousin had a traditional wedding with a twist I guess (it’s becoming a trend in my family now) and all my family members looked absolutely amazing! The bride wanted the wedding to have a blue ‘shweshwe’ theme which really came together on the wedding day. My mom and I also like to edge it up and give it that modern lady look and I actually love how it turned out.

So we left Wednesday night because we were travelling by bus. I was actually super tired because I had a full work day and a bit of overtime that day and had to catch the bus at 11:30pm. We were stuck at Park Station for a while and it was ridiculously cold. I had one handbag and a camera bag with a little blanket (because I was wearing leggings) so that I could use it on my legs if it got cold and had to give it to my mom because she was wearing a denim jacket. I’ll repeat: A DENIM JACKET.

Fast forward to a thousand years later, we finally arrived and literally every member of my family rocked up and I was so happy to see them. I even got to meet a few relatives that I haven’t seen in a while. So my favourite part of the wedding was definitely decorating the venue with the bride and taking all the behind the scenes photos because it helped me to interact with people and capture the best moments.

Mom and I had our outfits made at home so it was relatively affordable and I definitely loved how it came together with the head wrap. The shoes ended up looking bomb with this dress but it was truly not planned because those are the only black shoes I own (other platforms would have been too slippery) that my feet were going to be able to manage to walk in a mountainous structure.







 What do you guys think of the wedding outfits?



xx

Sunday, 23 April 2017

Flirty Florals

Hi everyone!!



Today has been the best day. I finally got time to edit and publish these photos!! I took them a long time ago and I’ve been drowning in work and assignments ever since! I’ve currently been assigned another client and completed most of my assignments so I’m feeling so relieved.

So the story behind the dress. This dress belongs to my sister. She left it by mistake when she moved out and because my work schedule got so hectic I never got time to do my laundry and one day I had no choice but to wear it. OMW. It fit like a glove. I normally like darker florals but this dress really gave me an upbeat attitude on a Monday and I’ve been having the worst term of my life!!

I’ve always worn bodycon dresses or pants with shirts at work because I’ve always been scared that a really windy day would have dreadful consequences for my booty so I’ve never considered shopping for similar dresses. But the material used for this dress gives you that comfort that it would not easily be blown away so definitely more of these in the near future!!




And now for a little update. I definitely want to do a lot more styling posts. I really miss that. And I also want to get back to my channel! Time is so limited and I have so much that I still want to achieve this year. I’m also going through so many changes. And also rebuilding my mindset. I allowed myself to be this negative and depressed person and being stuck in that has really limited my creativity. I’ll also be exploring our town a bit more. I’ve been so stuck indoors for a little more than six months now and I’m really missing out so I’ll be documenting that. (Should I try vlogging it instead?)

Stay tuned!

See you next time!


Tuesday, 11 April 2017

How to ease up your guilty conscious

Hi everyone!


I have a little bit of a writer’s block because I have an insane amount of stress (& heartburn) at the moment which is really good for lifestyle posts because then I have an urgent need to talk about it. I have no idea how I’m going to spend my time this weekend because I also have to go home (3 hours away) because I’ve been summoned to take measurements for my cousin’s upcoming wedding at the end of April. Solution would be to send the measurements right? Try telling my mom that.

So with all the political madness going on it has become even more important to build your own world because you can’t let the national negativity get you down. Neither should you allow  the international depression (Trump is still there. What is happening in Syria?)to trump your spirits. It’s very hard for us (let’s say educated black people) to move back home to minimize fixed costs and to try different jobs seeing that there’s already such a huge unemployment rate in our city and overall country. So sometimes you are stuck in your job.

This year I was supposed to add an academic element in my last year of articles but in order to set myself free I did not register for it and I did not notify my boss. You can imagine what a huge violation that is. I did not resign because I can’t move back home and start over. Thank you, Black Tax. And it was difficult to even get a job I’m over-qualified for. I still don’t know how that’s possible. So I effectively decided to just finish the year and add my completed articles to my CV. Sometimes I want to put it there as ‘3 years of intense slavery’.

So for the first month or so I was riddled with guilt because I have long asked him to be transparent because he’s always late and tells you about a meeting with a client 10 minutes before and expects you to know everything about it by the time you reach their offices. Even after that has been addressed with him, it seemed like he sees lateness and non-transparency as a lux lifestyle so I’ve decided to accept it that about him. Guess where I got my training from? I guess Daddy trained me well.

So how can you stop feeling guilt over something you did but did it for the right reason?
1.       Ask yourself if you could have done it any other way
2.       Ask yourself if this option lets you sleep better at night
3.       Ask yourself if you’re willing to deal with the consequences
4.       Ask yourself if this decision, other than the guilt, makes you happy
5.       Ask yourself if it will bring out new change

Last year I was severely depressed. I used to take sick days multiple times of the year because I did not have the strength to get up to go to work. It’s when I first discovered that your job can actually make you sick. So how did I apply the above?

I could have told my boss but he would have convinced me to register, backed up by legislation requirements (aka legislation threats). He would have also made work hostile because I wanted to ‘retaliate’. So there was no other way. Since making a new path I’ve become more excited about my evenings and weekends because I get to learn something new. I could get fired or my salary could get affected (consequences). Other than the temporary guilt I have been feeling much happier this year. It was hard at first but I’m definitely becoming more care free and happy. I’ve totally embraced the new change! It’s still a bit hard but it’s happy hard. Time management is still a bit of a problem and I’ve had to get used to writing again (for my assignments) so it’s a work in progress.

So you can see how the combination of addressing these questions was able to ease up a bit of the guilt. And it’s also a plus if the corresponding person makes it easy by being an uncontrollably inconsiderate person!

Put yourself first! Be brave!!


xx

Friday, 7 April 2017

How emotional turmoil can be physically evident

Hi everyone!



Something weird is happening. Yesterday I was in the middle of a sale of one of my assets and I was just overcame with insane anxiety. I had to submit an assignment last night and it’s still not complete now. I was just stunned. So normally I would just cry a bit because it releases some emotional pressure bit instead I called like 5 people and cleaned my place. I haven’t been able to clean it for almost 2 weeks and this morning it was as if it’s occupied by …well, a clean person! LOL!

So what does this mean?

Well 2 things have come to pass. My tearsgates are sealed TIGHT. Not one tear was available for me which made it extra frustrating! It’s like having a solution that temporarily works but now you can’t use it. Then I watched some Youtube videos and that was shortlived because I don’t know how the settings are right now but it’s so hard to discover new people so I got bored and shut it down. Then it was time to scrub the evidence so I bagged the garbage to get it ready for pick up the next morning, cleaned the kitchen and packed my bedroom into place. Clean environment = Clean Mind? Not exactly but it was a start because I felt a little lighter. It was already 2am so I did not force myself to finish up my assignment because being tired at work has had awful consequences for me in the past!

I think I’m familiar with what’s happening because my mom suffers from the exact same thing. Every time she’s faced with an emotional issue and tries to internalize it, it always comes out on her body. 
One time she had an operation done to cut out an unexpected, and yet to be explained, growth in her shoulder when my brother became an overnight rebel and alcoholic. She also keep being sick when she got a new principal that tried to destroy an orphanage that she spent 10 years building. That time she had to wear an eye patch after her eye got damaged when she kept getting a series of serious tension headaches. And the list goes on.

People think that having anxiety is an easy thing to ‘adopt’ just because a lot of people suffer from it now. However, some people have it but are not aware and then it makes itself apparent in different ways. One thing I can draw from my own experience is to find a step by step guide on how to go through the motions so that it can leave your body quicker or so that you can rebuild faster. Sometimes a whole week can pass you by without you knowing what happened and soon enough you won’t even remember what triggered it because you’ll be neck deep in a depression pit.

In the space of reaching my home at 5pm I went through insane worry. Will I be able to sell my asset? Do I want to sell it? Will I ever get out of financial trouble? Made some coffee thinking it will keep me calm. Met up with buyers. Buyers left with a lower offer than one I had in mind. Should I take a walk? It’s too dark now. Call friend. He tried to make me feel better but I can’t tell him about the sale because I did not tell him about acquisition. Call friend I haven’t spoken to properly since she gave birth. Network is awful. Friend calls me, love life trouble that I had I had to put brakes to because I don’t understand why my heartbeat is so fast. Am I upset about the sale. Mom calls, asks me when I’m coming home. Should I drive to the store? No. Should I take a nap? No, its only 9. Let’s watch Life in Pieces. Heartbeat the same but now feels coupled with heartburn. Open the windows and the fan. Prepare a soothing bath. Wash dishes and clean room first. Take a soothing bath. Try to sleep. Can’t sleep. Watch Life in Pieces again so that you can sleep.



 5am alarm goes off.

Work.

That is just one Tuesday night.

Concerning?

Definitely.

Do I still have the same worries this morning? Yes but it’s time to focus on work because I still need to function like an unaffected human being.

What will I do?

Finalize sale so that it doesn’t hibernate. The longer I struggle to end the chapter the more I’ll worry about being financially afloat. People think that you can ‘snap out’ of it by having a mindset change. I used to be one of those people. Until it’s you or someone you know. Yes, effective decisions definitely helps in order to get the ball rolling because the danger is not make a decision at all and to be crippled by the unknown.


Be brave! Find a way!!

Xx

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Effective Problem Solving & Life Update

Hi everyone!



It’s been a few weeks now and I thought I should give you guys a life update. It’s only been 3 months into 2017 and I feel like I’ve gotten through more things than I have in 2016. I think last year I didn’t really deal with it in the right way so I’m trying several new methods this year that will hopefully be more sustainable.

All my spheres are basically under attack. Especially my family and that’s a real emotional soft spot for me because I’ve always been a worrier (changes in progress). I know that everyone has their own individual family issues which can be so much worse than mine so I’m not going to waste time going into details about it. My first priority this year was to move away from carrying full responsibility for their health, happiness and satisfaction. Now, this sounds very tough because, like most people, no-one wants to disappoint their family.

So as I’m doing this I’ve just realized that in order to succeed/pull this off I’ll need to shut down certain aspects of me that actually contribute to me as a person. Which includes generosity, caring for others and the desire to always assist in coming up with a plan (which is a skill I learned recently – prior to that I would just break down and cry if I hit a wall). I’ve always seen myself as having a huge guilty conscious – which up until recently I thought was good thing. I ‘used’ it to prevent me from lying and in order to keep my promises. LOL! I know, I know. In order to regain my power I had to learn to say No and to return ‘plscallme’ with another ‘plscallme’.

I had to learn to stop following up on things that don’t concern me. I’ve always been a gladiator for my friends and family. Always made sure that they were fine a week from now, a month from now and a year from now. And that has to stop. Mostly because it has become so expensive now that I have to call them. I also had to stop following up on things that do concern me. Especially things I can’t change. With my history with my father I sort of had to learn to accept people as they are and not how I want them to be. But for some reason my mind would not let me apply that to my own sibling and he has clearly taken advantage of my goodness and generosity for far too long without looking back to the damage it has caused me.

So in order to deal with it I had to build more walls in order to protect myself and in order to prioritize. I had to learn to put myself first. As I’m writing this, there’s so many people I want to catch up with and ‘follow up’ on them to see if they are coping but that goes against putting myself first because I haven’t stopped to ask myself: Am I okay? Am I satisfied? Where’s my life going? Am I still trying every day to be in line with my purpose? What is my purpose? Am I where God wants me to be? Am I growing at a reasonable pace? What is a reasonable pace? Am I making progress in my life?

Answers to these questions take time. And they also evolve. Some people go through an entire lifetime without asking themselves. Can you imagine what that’s like? To some it sounds easy right? Until you really have to evaluate the answers and the angle/perspective you’re answering them from. One thing I’m learning right now is to unload. I’m giving some things away that I’ve carried with me for years! Because by hoarding it, there’s no space for new things. I also feel like interacting with people less because they don’t realize that their view of me (or previous me) slows me down into developing into the person I want to be.

Life has no correct answers. In order to solve a problem you must first acknowledge it (even if it’s you) and then evaluate several possible outcomes and choose the one that will work for you (not the socially acceptable one) and then implement it!

Be brave!


xx

Thursday, 2 March 2017

Room Decor Wishlist

Hi everyone!



Due to the ridiculous backlog of work I have, I rarely get time to stay on top of things ever since Donald Trump announced that he’s running for president. Yup, that far back. On the bright side January and February is behind us and I’m just so excited to just be in March with the early sunsets and the cold creeping in at night. My siblings just moved out and I’m looking to jazz up my place a bit.

I’ve been looking for inspiration everywhere and I just don’t understand why we have Netflix but we don’t have IKEA. Because it seems like IKEA is the only store we need for basically HOUSE DÉCOR AND LIFE DÉCOR! However, I’ve been looking around and it seems like Game and Makro are stepping up and have more things in store than ever before.

My budget is quite tiny but my dreams are unlimited so my wishlist is a mix of the pricier side and also some things I’ll be able to afford. I believe that I’m happiest in my room and bathroom so that’s where I’m going to start! I checked Superbalist and I loved 3 options:


 1, 2, 3

What do they have in common?

They are white (yasss because I’m grown now) and have minimal detail because I don’t like it if it’s completely plain. I think other similar colours that would have been okay, would have been light grey and mint because of how they are such ocean based colours.


I chose the same option from Mr Price Home even though they are more bolder with their designs and colours and they have more dramatic options!

For my living space I’m looking to also keep it minimal and as open as possible. My place opens up to this untouched area so it’s so vital to me for that space to have as much air/breeze as possible! I’m still deciding on the furniture side but I’ve been loving this couch for the longest time because it has no back. I’ve always been self-conscious about the oil in my hair leaving a stain and with this I don’t have to worry about the accumulated hair oil stains!!



I think I’ll probably end up going with a classic wooden table but for now I’m in love with this marble top with copper legs vibe on this coffee time because it just looks more than awesome and chic AF. Based on my budget though I think I’ll need to get an essential item like this affordable sleeper couch and just work the rest of the décor around that until I get a place of my own.


To be quite honest, I have no idea why I've added the couches!! I think part of me still wants to place a one seater couch in my room -for reading and making sure I don't sleep too much! Bachelor flats are ridiculously expensive in Nelspruit so just because I live in a 2 bedroom flat doesn't mean that I necessarily need to utilize the living area. So I still work around a one bedroom mentality(if that makes sense).


Last but not least is something that I've always wanted! I don't really support clothes outside the closet(mainly because Nelspruit has soo much dust) but I thought it would cut my lateness(recently) to work and also help me do styling projects.

Hopefully the next time I do a room tour, everything will be ready!

Am I the only one who gets excited about decor?


What do you guys think of these pieces?

xx



Monday, 20 February 2017

Typical Hard day at Work

Hi everyone!



It’s been soo sooo hard to get a minute lately. In the week, we have back to back work assignments that never end and over the weekend I wake up towards the afternoon because I’m convinced that if I don’t, then I’ll forget what sleep is like and that can never happen. On one hand I also feel that in order to work full time and grow my channel this year I’ll need to give up sleeping longer but my oh so amazing job requires additional energy and I really to recharge otherwise the burn out will be oh so real.

Side note: I’ve said oh so too many times.

Instead of complaining about it, I’ve become more invested because this is my last year(finally) and I really need to get this period of my life over with. I also know that it’s bad to say that because I should always be in pursuit of happiness but I don’t have the trust fund and high risk personality to do so. So I go through the motions and it can get really dark. Today will just be of a typical day. You know how people hate Mondays? The last 3 years have been permanent Mondays.

Typically in the morning I spend an hour snoozing my alarm which actually makes me more tired in the end because my body goes in and out of consciousness and by the time I wake up everything is still slow and I'm extra tired.

These days I make my coffee at home to stop spending money on coffee at work. Which has really helped because it makes me feel full till around 11am. In future it would be ideal to exchange this for a filling smoothie as soon as I have the blender of my dreams!!

On a really slow day I already start feeling down around just before 11am. I wish it was something I could control. At this time I’ve probably been sitting for 3 hours doing something really mindless while everyone talks about breaking political news which is the worst kind of news.

By 1pm or even an hour before that I’m already out of the office to breathe in all the fresh air I can first come into contact with and then all of the available air. Sometimes I would go to lunch by myself just to disconnect and plan my blog or my channel or sometimes I would invite a friend.

Then it’s the race for 5pm – I actually get the most work done during this time because I guess it has a reward of going home! It’s also when the office is the quietest because people are either trying to stay awake after a massive lunch or they need to chase a 5pm deadline so that they don't work overtime that they will later not be allowed to take leave for (unfortunately on a learnership you can't get a labour law lawyer to defend you).

I am probably first out the door at 4:58pm because I need to get to my safe place. I sometimes take work home and then I never do it until the following morning so that I can remain productive when I’m at work because I’m normally the first person to get there!

As soon as I get home my first priority is to do some breathing exercises (when I’m too stressed) or to take off my work clothes and get comfy to study(when my heart rate is normal) or to prepare a soothing candle-lit bath(when everything is on fire).


Today has been a fire day. And it’s all my spheres. Family. Work. Finances. Studies. Insomnia. Bad Diet. Productivity.

But in an hour I can close my eyes and forget about it and try to fix it one at a time!

It's 9pm.

Almost Bed Time.

xx




Sunday, 19 February 2017

Flat Iron FAIL on Natural Hair

Friday, 10 February 2017

Valentine's Day Lust List

Hi everyone!!

These days I wake up at 5. I’ll repeat: 5 AM!! I literally hate and love myself simultaneously because I hate waking up early and I struggle to sleep early. I also love it because I’m hoping it will make me get more things done and also make me more effective. Things at work are moving at an uncontrollable pace and it’s just harder to do extra things because I’m normally too tired to even make myself supper! On the brighter side – I hope that comes with some weightloss!

So Valentine’s Day is 2 days away and I’ve clearly missed the vibe like crazy! Also wanted to create a lookbook but the last date I remember other than yesterday is the 3rd of January when I started working again. So I bring you my ultimate wish list! I loooooove Boohoo.com. I feel like they just keep up with trends and everything has this sex appeal to it and they have so many categories for different types of girls and for every occasion!

This year I’m obsessed with high slits. You’ll see that it’s almost on the same trend as last year’s wish list. But this year I just think high slits gives you that extra sexy spice to your outfit without you trying too hard. I also believe it’s appropriate for every type of girl! I’ve also been into just minor details at the top to highlight your bone structure. My boobs are small so I like it when the top has cute details that also takes that into account! The chest area should definitely not be neglected!

How gorgeous are these?


1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6

I'm so over red this year. This blush/rose tone is absolutely gorgeous and I think it will look good on any skin tone! I love the simplicity and subtle sexy element and I think anyone would love so hot in any of these options!!

😍😍😍

Are you digging these or what?


It can definitely be seen as over the top but this selection is for those romantic late night dates where you really need to bring your A game!

I hope you like them!

Love,

Monday, 6 February 2017

Valentine's Day Gifts for Him

Hi everyone!!


This year I’m getting started on the love air a little late mostly because January was basically my melting pot. I’m actually half glad that I didn’t set resolutions/goals because things started off on quite a bad foot. Like WW3 bad. And to be honest I’m kind of glad it happened because I taught me that I’m equipped to take care of myself!

So now in February I definitely don’t want to miss out on the love fever! So because it’s a brand new year I thought I would do another gift guide because last year’s one was quite popular! I will not be doing date ideas because I would probably do one of the other things I’ve already mentioned! Lol, I know. Creature of habit! So today we’ll be looking for amazing gifts available right now!

You guys know I’m all over Takealot.com. I bought my books there recently and I loved their delivery and correspondence. I also bought the wrong product and they handled the return/exchange effectively well! I actually wanted to get a blender this year so that would have been a great way to see how they handle electronics as that will be the majority of gift ideas covered in this post!

Whether we’re guys/girls we all need the same kind of things so you don’t always have to get man stuff. Some guys can live on the bare minimal. But every now and again they want to have a hot beverage but thought they never needed a kettle. So now our gifts will fill those loopholes!!

(images from Takealot.com)

1.       My friend recently bought himself this kettle and he wanted to tell me about it every day. I guess the red light sort of gives it that extra that other kettles don’t do! The ones from Mellerware are super affordable and you can later add to the range with other appliances. You can get in blue or red!
2.       I’ve been trying to get a Nutribullet blender ever since I was born! So I’m not sure if I’ll get him this before I get one. So that just makes one of us!! This is the perfect gift for those guys who like experimenting with differently healthy smoothies to cute cocktails!!
3.       I found this to be super duper cute! These days you use your laptop and phone simultaneously so it’s super annoying to have to pick it up to type something so this stand will make his life so much easier!!
4.       Now for the things that only benefits him(LOL) we can always rely on the man side of the catalogue! I think this portablevacuum can be handy when a guy likes to be clean and also likes it if his car is clean! I think it’s one of those things that are overlooked until it’s needed! But lucky for him, you’ve thought about everything!
5.       Most guys love to braai but It’s never really something they think about when they are loaded! So to take this one task off his shoulder you could totally get him this very simple and easy to store and navigate gas braai. Now consider all your weekend lunches covered!
6.  And how can I forget the guys who love music!! There's so much hype with everything Beats so these wireless headphones could be a cool addition to his music accessories (if he doesn't have it already!) I liked the blue one but there's also other colours that can suit his personality! It can also be paired to his device and has a 12 hour rechargeable battery - which guy would say no to that?!

(better view of the vacuum)

Do you see something he'd like? 

I hope you guys can find something in my top picks!!





Friday, 20 January 2017

The (T)EA in TALK #1: Attachment Fears

Hi everyone!



It is finally time to launch my new segment! The title is not rolling off my tongue yet but I know it will stick! LOL! I think that this will be a good psychological outlet for me. I feel like I’ve always been the rock my friends and family could rely on but since last year I’ve felt so alone and vulnerable and I absolutely HATE IT. Sometimes I think that I’ve always been like this but now it’s rearing its ugly head more and more.

As you can tell from the title, today I’m addressing one of my biggest fears. My commitment phobia. I’ve always been there – I always choose to jump before I’m pushed out. As I’ve previously mentioned in my alonetime these days I always read some interesting articles and I want to feature them in these segments. I follow Marie Claire on twitter and I really feel like such num num for not being on their subscription because they have some awesome articles for women.

The one I came across, that I’ve shared multiple times already, is the article about a woman that has the exact same fears as me – only she’s already married. I feel like I’ve read it over and over. And if someone wants to have an argument with me about when my commitment phobia will end, I remain mute and send them an e-mail with the link. I feel like there’s no-one who explains it better.

I don’t think that my parents’ divorce bother me. I’ve always thought that they were a mismatch. My mom receives love in affirmation (words of love) and gifts (small) and she always needs to be encouraged. She’s also very specific in what she wants. She can be very pushy and stubborn but mostly loving and evolving. My father on the other hand is very straight to the point. His point. Extremely inconsiderate, secretive and has elements of a realist. Also very quiet and ‘in his own world’ so to speak. So in other words – even though she was married, she was always feeling lonely.

And that is the reason why I’m hesitant to let anyone close. I’m yet to come across someone who is so caring that it is irritating. And I have a severe need for security but at the same time – independence. I also feel like most guys around their 30s (or born in the 80s) are extremely traditional. Which I mostly link with how extremely pro man they are and they have all these misconceptions about how women should act and what they should do.

I want to be looked at as an individual first. I want to have a sense of freedom but also feel secure & safe. I want a listener and a person who will make an awesome and present dad. A person who evolves and always wants to be better themselves. A humble & generous soul who has great social skills.

If you stand back and look at this – it screams one thing. I want the OPPOSITE OF MY FATHER. Does that mean I have Daddy Issues? I don’t think so. Ever since I accepted that my father can’t be the Dad I’ve always wanted – we’ve been getting along like a house on fire! The only consequence of our relationship is the fact that I use him as a benchmark when looking for a suitable partner because I want no trace of him in my next chapter.

Thought you had issues..

LOL,

How is your relationship with your dad? Does it affect how you look at your partner? Can you relate to the article like me?



Friday, 13 January 2017

Why Alone Time is Important

Hi everyone!


I literally CAN NOT WAIT to share what I’ve been learning in my new course. Don’t want to be too excited about it but I can’t believe how much I’m liking it! I want to introduce a segment on my blog for the lifestyle called ‘THE (T)EA IN TALK’ which I just thought of yesterday. If I think about it too long it starts to not make sense so I’m running with it!

As I’m trying to navigate through January I’m realizing how strong I’ve become because as per my previous post you can imagine that I haven’t had the best start to the year but in the back of my mind I secretly know that 2017 will be the best year EVER! I’m not just saying that because I hope that will happen but because I’m not going to repeat the same mistakes of 2016. It’s as if my lungs are just recharged (if you were with me physically, I would have said relunged) HAHA!! Omw, what’s wrong with me?

So! With all of this happening I can definitely say that it is hard for me to be charged up all the time. I’m also learning how to drive which has been the worst because I grew up being terrified of driving (My mom is a nervous wreck when she tries to teach me so she freaks out, cries and gives up and my father never owned a car) so I don’t have the best background when it comes to this which is adding block to my progress because I want to be completely independent.

So this week every day (planning to do this till end of January) I’ve been spending some quiet time looking out to the undisturbed plantation at my backyard and catching up on some magazines that I bought but never read. I've also been taking really long baths with scented salts and candles to treat my body. It’s been so lovely that I’ve actually started looking forward to it.


What’s the goal with alone time?

·         So many things rushing in my head. I just want some silence and sometimes the only way to do that is to introduce new and fresh info (like magazine articles and reading people's stories)
·         To really look at myself in a calm state and actually say…despite what’s happening, I WILL BE OKAY.
·         To actually let something sink in well enough to make a decision. E.g: I’ve been stressing about finding a suitable new flatmate since I kicked out my brother in Dec (he contributed to my daily stress) but I’ve processed the situation well enough to know that if I don’t find someone I need to find another place to live.
·         It frees me from my writer’s block that I’ve had for months!
·         It helps me deal with my reality
·         It de-stresses my body. I’m the type of person who gets physical signs of stress. Which is highlighted mostly by extreme fatigue, extreme tension headaches and sometimes by a runny stomach. Sometimes I neglect my diet which leads to obvious weight gain and on other days I don’t eat at all which then leads to dizziness and extreme insomnia.
·         It helps me plan. Sometimes there’s so much to do and so little time and resources so I you can plan and make compromises – you can deal with it better!

Quiet time might sound like a waste of time but I truly advice you try it when your world is going for a spin (other than the spin the Earth already makes) LOL, Omw. Invest in YOU!






LOVE, 

Monday, 9 January 2017

How to get your 2017 BACK ON TRACK!

Hi everyone!



Happy 2017!💕💕💕

I haven’t really done a lifestyle or update post in so long that I was actually weirded out on how to start this one. Normally, I like to enter into the new year like old people. Like be asleep at 00:10. My mom always wants me to be home but it’s really something I like doing alone. This year I tried to stay awake but I was completely gone just before midnight but woke up in time for fireworks and then it was bathroom and then gone again.

Last year I started off the year with some blog goals. Which were good and valid but would have only worked if I had a trust fund. Everything costs money and living in a semi remote area really doesn’t help because access to the internet is ridiculously expensive which affects consistency and basically your appetite to keep your online world going. Let’s not even get into uploading! I don’t even want to know how much that would be per year compared to a person who has access to free internet!

As indicated above, your goals can be withheld by factors that you didn’t really take into account when making those goals. I feel like 2016 was the year of anxiety and depression for me. I can’t even explain it. It’s like when your life ‘juice’ is gone and nothing really matters. I resigned so many times from my job but my manager would not allow me. I was registered to do a course (that I was paying for) that’s in line with my job but as you can imagine – if you hate the practical side (my job) then you’ll hate the theoretical side also.

Here’s how to get back on track:
Ø  Only do something you want to do.
      This year I registered to do Communications Sciences part time. I’m so excited because just looking at the modules, it’s stuff that I’m really interested in. Scary part is that I don’t know I’ll turn it into a career but I figured that I will figure it out when I have the necessary knowledge.
Ø  Be prepared to deal with the consequences. 
      If you decide to move out your parents' house to be independent then you must be prepared to deal with less disposal money or not having things that you were used to. It comes with the one step forward. So in studying something that’s not in my field I could get fired/suspended/be in a lot of trouble. It’s not the best possible outcome but it’s not something that your mind should not receive in shock.
Ø  Take some time off before you implement new year’s resolutions. 
      It’s fun to make them but in February – the gyms are empty. By the time the year starts I’m like on back-to-school mode. I have books, new socks, new hair,etc. But this year I’m getting ready late and on purpose. It was not nice having a bad hair day on the first day but it created the right environment to make a good decision on which hair style I wanted. You only really know what you want when you don’t have it.
Ø  Laugh before you cry. 
      This is weird mostly because I used to not understand people who laugh when facing a crisis. I still don’t get it but I just find myself not believing something by first laughing about it and then crying afterwards when it really sinks in. I don’t know why but it’s much better than helpless crying which used to be sooo destructive.
Ø  Always stay clean. 
      This one might also be hot wired to me but whenever my room is messy – it’s an overwhelming picture of how I feel. I’m not messy in general so it’s not something that always happens. So in order to move forward from whatever crisis, my first goal would be to clean my room (or my surrounding) which in turn helps me start planning on how to fix the relevant crisis at hand. It’s like removing the spider web from my eyes so that I can make informed decisions!

Some of these hacks are from my weirdoville but I hope you understand them enough to apply them in some of your New Year struggles.

Love,


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